There are so, so many things to like about Canada. Their omelettes are inside out (eggs on the inside, cheese on the outside), hockey is a religion, and when Canadians end a sentence with “eh,” it disarms all antagonisms. Even their money has a charming fetch to it. The dollar coin is called a Loonie, the two dollar coin is a Toonie, they no longer use pennies, and the twenty dollar bill has a window in it.

But there is one, shall I say, ominous event looming in the future for Canada. I first wrote about it in 2013 and, I dunno, I feel it’s my duty to alert all of you, my good friends, to this coming disaster.

Please understand that I truly dislike being the bearer of bad news but someone has to do this. It should be the dominating the headlines but, of course, it’s being ignored by all media everywhere. It has to do with the three most common food places in Canada: Subway, McDonald’s and Tim Hortons. Yeah, you noticed it, didn’t you. Tim Hortons has no possessive apostrophe.

The nerve! It’s so brazenly wrong, so contrary to decency, that it’s difficult to just look at the name. How can they get away with this? Subway doesn’t need one, of course, and McDonald’s, as we all know, does it right and has one.

Now, it is true that Tim Horton(’)s does have great coffee and good food. Healthy, too. But I just can’t bring myself to side with them. I mean, I do have some integrity! But when I think about aligning with McDonald’s, well, I’m not too keen on doing that, either. And if I end up supporting Subway all the way, the Switzerland in all this, I’ll feel wishy-washy. I honestly do not know what to do.

What a sad, sad state of affairs. The battle lines have already been drawn and every day, the animosities between the Possessive-Apostrophe and No-Possessive-Apostrophe camps grow, and no one, it seems, wants to do anything about it. And who’s going to end up suffering the most? That’s right, the people. You and me. The good and hardworking folks who just want to live a peaceful life with possessive apostrophes intact.

Just today I discovered that Tim Horton(’)s has invaded the United States without a peep of protest. Where this will lead is anyone’s guess, but I do have some advice. World War Possessive Apostrophe is coming, my friends, so take heed: hide your children and your pets. This is going to get ugly.