JAKE, THE WOMAN WHISPERER
I was riding through Idaho on a seriously cold day. I stopped for a snack and to get warm at a convenience store in Jerome and as I walked out with my beef jerky and hot chocolate, a group of guys in their late twenties wearing full camo outfits (it was hunting season) walked in. A few minutes later, they walked out, joking and laughing and bantering about.
So I’m sitting there listening to their conversation, which isn’t really a conversation because a guy named Jake is doing all the talking, and all he’s talking about are women. Loudly.
My first impression is that at the age of say, twenty-eight, he finally managed to lose his virginity last night so, of course, he’s now an “expert,” which really means that everything he “knows” is pure delusion. I’m quickly proven wrong, however, when he claims to understand everything there is to understand about women.
This is amazing to me because here he is, not yet thirty years old, and he knows everything about women while I’ve been working on that my whole life and know nothing about them.
One by one, his friends walk away (wonder why?) and he ends up talking to only me. As you may expect, I’m honored and hang on to every word because, like most every guy in the world, I want to know everything about women. Gentlemen, pay heed, this is the wisdom we have always yearned for.
Jake, the Woman Whisperer: Y’see, all that candy ’n’ flower shit don’t mean shit
Me: (Staring, mouth open in wonder)
Jake, the Woman Whisperer: Alls they want is a guy who has shit ’n’ is the shit.
Me: (Nodding)
Jake, the Woman Whisperer: There ain’t any other shit than that shit. Know what I mean?
Me: Yep, that’s the shit.
He then strides like a man to his rusted, beat up, dirt covered Jeep, carrying a 12-pack of Bud Light and a box of Rough Rider condoms. I am in awe. When Jake is done, the world of women finally will have been conquered
A few photos from that ride in Idaho.
The Clark Fork River.
Freedom in Idaho.
Yeah, it was hunting season.
Hey! Where’s Arnold?!
A lone fisherman trying his luck on the Salmon River.
The Beast taking in the view from US Highway 93.
